Mac
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Some members........Are these people safe to cross the road on their own?
Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Steve: No, it can't be for me, my name is Howard
Chad walks into a bar with a sack under his arm, he plonks it on the bar and orders a drink. The barman asks whats in the sack.
"Salmon" says Chad
"If I guess how many is the sack can I have 1?" he asks
Chad replies "If you guess how many is there you can have both of them!"
Peteb and MrMoo driving down the road when a police car is behind them. Pete says to MrMoo "Have a look behind and see if the blue lights are on"
Mr Moo replies "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes no"
Big Kipper lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot - with just two little slits for his eyes.
'What happened to you?' asked Mark Mann.
'I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.'
'Geez,' said Mark. 'It's a good job you were wearing those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!'
Ghost had been greeted by the stunning news that he was to become a father for the first time. Jumping with joy, he couldn't wait to go out and celebrate with his pals. But first he must tend to the needs of his lovely wife .
'Now my darling, I'm just popping along the road for a few minutes. Is there anything you'd like while I'm out?'
'Yes Ghost,' said his wife. 'I'd like you to buy some snails. I just fancy cooking them in garlic butter tonight. So don't be long will you?'
Will be back before you know it,' promised Ghost, full of good intentions.
Two hours later, bag of snails in hand, he was still propping up the bar and wetting the baby's head for the umpteenth time. Finally he decided to do the right thing and bade farewell to his pals and stumbled out into the night. Weaving from side to side, he eventually reached his house and tottered up towards the door. Sadly, in trying to get his keys out of his pocket, he dropped the bag of snails and 'crack' it split open on the step scattering snails everywhere.
The noise woke his wife who opened the bedroom window and shouted down:
'What's going on? Where have you been all this time?'
Ghost looked down at the snails, clapped his hands and said:
'Come on lads - we're nearly home!'
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